So it stands to reason that I didn’t jump on the band wagon to go digital with my daily planner. In fact a digital daily planner gets my palms sweaty and my heart racing. It’s claustrophobic. It can’t be scribbled on or coloured in or written over. It doesn’t over flow changes and doodles and pictures and.. well, life.

However this morning I was running late and had packed my handbag to the brim with ‘essential’ things for daily London life and then I saw it lying there.. on the desk. My Diary. And I did the unspeakable. I grabbed my camera and went digital…

Babies bring joy. Babies bring joy because they are full of Life, untainted by the brush of a fallen world.

But we’re told to keep our pregnancy a secret until after the twelfth week when the risk of miscarriage decreases by 80%.

Keeping your pregnancy a secret from others does not however, make it any less exciting. For twelve weeks before you share your news with the world the infectious joy that new life brings spreads into every corner of your life.

Cheesecake gone, folic acid in. Boys names, girls names. Cribs, babies room, baby bags. Due date countdown. Pregnancy books. Imagining what your baby will look like and how it will feel to hold it for the first time. Being corrected by your sister, that it, is not an it. Taking full advantage of being pregnant. Husband please carry this and do that and fix this and fetch that- okay so some things never change.

Every experience is now a pregnant experience, undercover,  secret agent style.

And some say that it isn’t real until after the first scan.

But keeping it a secret until the first scan does not make it any less real. The fatigue. The acid reflux. The heightened Spidey sense of smell. The crying. Oh boy, the crying. At. Everything. The exciting need for a bigger bra. The hunger to eat. All. The. Time.

In fact the dry scalp that developed during pregnancy is still a constant reminder of how real is really was.

And so for Eleven weeks and Six days ‘bug’ was the centre of our attention. On that sixth day of the eleventh week we set off across the country to surprise our family with the news. Happy in the knowledge that we were one day away from the twelve week safety net.

By the evening of the sixth day of the eleventh week we were sitting across the country in a hospital room making strained conversation and nervous jokes trying to crack a smile in the midst of it all.

It was real. It was exciting. We can’t wait for it to happen again one day. We wouldn’t change those almost twelve weeks for anything.

Our little Bug hitched a ride up the highest mountain in Africa with us, and spent the next 3 months changing our lives forever. It’s almost been a year since you surprised us with your presence and we just wanted to say a proper goodbye.

Life was lost. It is real.

Bug

We wanted to show you this world,
Have the fleeting chance to touch your life with love.
Create beautiful memories and moments.
Catch you when you fell.
Show you a glimpse of endless possibility.
Teach you to dream the impossible,
Live the unimaginable,
Love unconditionally.
We wanted to show you a world where there is nothing to fear and no one to stop you.
Above all we wanted you to see the beauty in the world that God has made.

But we didn’t get that chance,
We weren’t able to teach you to live in the moment,
Laugh out loud,
And Love like there’s no tomorrow.

Because for us there was no tomorrow.

Our hearts broke a thousand times before we realised that instead, you have taught us all that… and more.
We’ll never forget those amazing three months we shared.

Mom & Dad

Photo from theatlantic.com

My facebook status earlier this week read: “just waiting for Currys to open tonight, thinking about getting an Xbox 360 for Husband’s birthday” and then I added the next line in case Big Brother was watching “Dear Facebook Police I am only KIDDING, I can’t find my hoodie.”

South African’s have an amazing way for making light in the face of adversity. But what happened this week here in the UK is no joking matter.

Facebook status. Twitter update. Blackberry broadcast. Fulfilling the need for sharing. From the big issues to the inconspicuous dried strawberry that you found in your cereal this morning.

Social media has become an extension of who we are and how we present ourselves to the world. Recently it has become a means to hold mass riots for no good reason (if you’re lucky enough to own a blackberry I’d say that you’re not really suffering in the true sense of the word). But it can also be used for good.

“With great power becomes great responsibility,” [thank you uncle Ben]. The legacy we will leave as the generation ’online’ is dependant on how we decide to use what we have at our disposal.

Words are still mightier than the sword. They will out live us and shape future generations. If we choose our words carefully we have the ability to bring hope, inspiration, encouragement and truth.

The events this week have made me proud to be South African where the wooden spoon was quick to follow a cheeky tongue or a naughty action.

Thanks Mom & Dad for caring enough to teach me right from wrong.

I’d love to take the kids that were out on the streets this week to the hardest parts of Africa, and show them people who are so joyful for so little (and richer because of it); to help these youths realise just how much they have.

Praying for the families of those affected.

xox

Click here to see more photographs of the Riots

I’ve been with my Husband for almost 12 years. We met when we were teenagers.
I’ve never lived alone.
Until now…

Husband went to sunny California for 16 days. Sixteen Days.
And this is what I learnt:

Our bed is no longer big enough for two. It is MINE. I have never slept better, albeit tossing, turning, waking up sprawled across the mattress at ridiculous angles. I have never slept better.

You can feed yourself without making dirty dishes… And I’m not talking fast food or microwave meals (I’m not even sure exactly how our microwave works).
I have ingeniously creative kitchen skills and I have only had to wash dishes 3 times in sixteen days.

I am obsessed with my Husband.
And when he’s not around I obsess about everything else [I'm a little OCD].
The coat gets hung up immediately; the new toilet role gets put on the holder immediately; he hamper gets cleared out immediately; the clothes get hung up immediately; the dishes get washed immediately, before the first bite of food; when I arrive home from travelling my suitcase gets unpacked immediately; the bins get emptied before they are full; the counters get cleaned immediately; the bed gets made; I stay late at the office; I bring work home with me.

I create stuff. All the time. I am now the owner of a 2011 July – Dec Diary. Created. From. Scratch. Scrapbook style.

I am strong. I have suffered and conquered the flu [with the help of all my loved ones, I'm strong not stupid].

I don’t follow the rules. I went to work in jeans & a hoodie, once, while my boss was on holiday [and I had the flu]. Yes you heard me I did it and no one stopped me!

I have bizarre eating habits. The fridge contains only Champagne, Camembert, Salami, M&M’s, Strawberry flavoured drinking yoghurt, carrots, cucumbers and peppers. And I forget to eat. All. the. time.

My friends and family are amazing. They have entertained me and fed me and checked up on me.

And finally I am SO grateful for, and in LOVE with, Husband. It’s way simpler to be obsessive compulsive about one person than about a zillion little things.

So enjoy your flight baby, get ready for me to follow you around the house again like a lost puppy; leave work at 5:01 so we can meet up at Waterloo to lessen the time spent apart each day; and call you at least six times during work just to say ‘what you dooooin?’…

I’m not even going to apologise for my obsessiveness. It’s helped shape a twelve year relationship that. is. amazing.

Baby I cannot wait to see you!! But we best stop on the way home and get bread and milk… There ain’t nothing in the cupboards.

Although the house is ridiculously tidy.

I want to ride my bicycle…

John and Robby are climbing Denali in Alaska (waiting out a snowstorm as we speak - unbelievably I know that courtesy of Facebook via a Satphone) [click on their names to view more about these two incredible mountaineers].

“just going to cut them wires maan”

In the Commercial Garden of ‘Eden’ – Oxford Street, London

I’ve just spent eleven full minutes walking through the house collecting a week’s worth of accessories that somehow, after a day of adding prettiness and fun, find themselves discarded on my desk, under the coffee table, next to the toaster.

I looked down at my ‘bounty’ and saw a week’s worth of stories in my hands. Each item brought back memories of the people I met, the things I did. The good times and the rainy times (I live in London). The time a couple girls from work took me out to The Diner for lunch where I gorged myself on the biggest Chocolate Milkshake and a mammoth chicken burger, American Style. Or the day I started my new job and the excitement and nervousness it brought. Or on Monday when after the day’s first cup of tea, we heard that  Husband’s Grandfather had passed away peacefully in his sleep the previous night.

Memories, tucked inside a hair clip and hiding in a bracelet. I looked down at the selection of colours and shapes in my hands and realised that A) I wear a LOT of accessories and B) at the end of the day all we’re left with are memories.

Opa Mare’s funeral was yesterday and the stories we heard from the service and the wake were so heart warming. His life touched others so profoundly, both in life and in death. There were people from all walks of his life that came to console the family and share an anecdote. The service sheet was actually a booklet, filled with quips and stories and, well, memories of him from family and friends.

Memories are all we’ll leave behind. An impression of who we were and how we lived. Opa Mare showed us all what kindness, gentleness, and a generous spirit looks like. He also had a cracking sense of humour. And even in his last few weeks he had everyone in stitches, and then crying because of his constant words of love to those who visited, and then laughing again. He showed us what it is to be loyal and loving. His relationship with Ouma Willah is a legacy in its own right. They had nothing but respect and unconditional love for one another and they laughed, a lot.

I can be so thankful that my husband was raised around such an incredible grandfather because I can see a lot of his Oupa in him. Husband loves unconditionally, he is fiercely loyal and generous and those who really know him will know that he has an incredible sense of humour. Thank you Oupa Mare.

At the end of the day… the way we treat people is the only memory of us that will last. Lesson learnt.

Walking around a corner, bumping into Saint Paul…

Old world versus new

Lunch order: Sunshine & a “Gherkin”

Never far from home. (UK Supermarkets now importing Savannah)

Shopping on the sidewalk – for free

Smile, it’s Friday!

You grow up thinking of them as those old people who you see every now and again with your parents. But when you get married and your parents become grandparents you realise they weren’t that old.

You get to know them through a ‘once-removed’ relationship. They aren’t your parents, they’ve done their parenting, so they offer you sweets and you let play with the old collection of ceramic horses on the mantel piece.

But Oma (Dutch spelling) was different, she knew how to relate to her grandkids. She used to take us to to buy vanilla custard, and then to the video store to pick out a movie to watch. Then in the morning we’d wake up to the smell of traditional Dutch pancakes and the four of us (my Opa included) would sit around the dining room table eating pancakes and listening to my Opa’s jokes.

When you think about it the grandchild/grandparent relationship is great. The ‘once-removed’ nature of it leaves no room for family politics; you get the best of them.

Oma was our last remaining grandparent. So she was the Grandmother who celebrated our weddings with us. She was the grandmother who met her great grandchild, my sister’s first son. She was the grandmother who told our husbands to look after us, but more importantly to not take any of our nonsense. She always told me that when you find a good man you treat him well and never let him go, and that she had been blessed to have had a good man in her life, my Opa.

Thankfully we’ve been blessed with really nice grandparents and grandparents-in-law on all sides of the family.

Now with the world shrinking leaving families spread all over the globe, phone calls and Skype sessions may continue the grandchild/grandparent relationship, albeit with a significantly reduced sugar intake. But something inside me says it’s just not the same thing.

We can only hope that our children will get to have a meaningful relationship with their grandparents one day wherever in the world we are…

Although us grandkids are deeply saddened by the passing of our Oma this morning, we know that she is reunited with Opa again and we get to keep the cinnamon flavoured memories of them both in our hearts forever.

So if you’re busy (or lazy – let’s be honest here) and don’t prep for the holiday that is looming you’ll spend it chilling on the couch or at the cinema (true story) and how will that create traditions for future generations?

Yes the traditions familia for future generations are in your hands… and those are some tough summer sandals to fill.

Take Easter for example it was a sunny beautiful day, surrounded by other sunny beautiful days and after overdosing on summer park lounging we decided to head off to the cinema and took in a packed 90 minutes of “Fast and the Furious 5″ action – and enjoyed it.

An inspirational message on Hope, seeing friends at church and gorging on chocolate eggs tipped the scales in favour of tradition, but we’re going to need something to balance it out.

So I’ve started the ‘Johnson Innovations’ project.

“The term innovation which dates back to 1540 and stems from the Latin innovatus, “to renew or change”.

The central meaning of innovation thus relates to renewal or improvement, with novelty being a consequence of this improvement. For an improvement to take place it is necessary for people to change the way they make decisions, or make choices outside of their norm.”

…and we all know my choices have never been ‘normal’.

So here’s to our blank slate! To the opportunity to carve out our own ‘traditions’! And to innovation – Johnson style!

Roses on Tuesdays

Shoe Shine Thursdays…

and Cupcake Fridays!

Husband are you taking notes??

“Did you see that sunset?!”; “Did you see the sky earlier?”; my excitement and awe was met with blank stares by my fellow Saffas.

Champagne skies might in abundance but that’s what makes it South Africa.

With a wave from the guy dressed as an eccentric clown at the intersection of Alice and Sandton Drive and a last look at the Cosmopolitan beautifully spilt across the heavens we say our goodbyes and jump on the ever exciting Gautrain… until next time.

Husband and I like to think of it as a home away from home, and since my folks have moved to the same village, it seems to fit nicely.

The Scottish Highlands, where money looks different, snow falls as deep as houses and the taps flow freely with Highland Spring mineral water.

Simply beautiful… all year round…

The sights and sounds of London Town

Birthday Bubbles with Husband at the Olive Garden

New red nail polish from a wonderful friend

Finding favourite foods from home (S.A) in my local supermarket!

Knowing every stall is occupied without even having to check – only in the Ladies!

Then I realised this could be me in fifty years, opening a tiny ball of heaven and tasting it’s delicious chocolatey nutella-ness that is so familiar to me.

Ferrero Rocher was brought to the world in 1982. That makes us both 29 years old. The world may change but Ferrero Rocher will always be there. Or not.

It makes you wonder… What really will always be there for you and more importantly what will not.

My friend John.

I met John 11 years ago. I had agreed to what would become an experience of a lifetime. Climbing the three highest mountains in Africa, in one expedition.

It was crazy. And fun. And memorable. And crazy.

I went on to study, move to London, travel the world, get married and grow up.

John went on to climb some of the world’s highest summits including Mount Aconcagua (South America), Mount Elbrus (Europe), Kilimanjaro [8 times] (Africa), Mount Kosciuszko (Australia) and Mount Everest (Asia). In 2009 John climbed and summited Everest, becoming the 16th South African to do so.

He also studied, travelled the world, grew up and today… got married.

You see John is not your average guy, John is one in a million. We had the pleasure of meeting his wife last year and befittingly she is one in a million too.

So this post is for you John & Nats, you guys are incredible. May you enjoy many years of memorable moments and love as you navigate life’s journey together.

xox

Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

This little guy was having a great time playing on the tube in his snow suit!
His dad who was sitting next to me was not as amused

Life would be very different if we could all have the imagination to change everyday commuting into an exciting adventure!!

This is me, I’ve been through a lot to get here and I’m not going anywhere for the next twelve months.

So let’s be friends.
Let me explore the infinite possibilities you have hidden in your Mary Poppins handbag.
Let me grab the opportunities with each day you bring.
Let me enjoy the taste of each sunset and sunrise, that you have waiting in your sweetie jar.
Let me walk with purpose, find my rhythm in your new blue shoes.

When I get a little tired or lose a little focus or wonder where the days went, help me remember that 2011 can only be what I make of it, nothing more nothing less.

So let’s dance to our own beautiful music 2011!
You me and those little blue shoes.